I am Tosca
Hi there
Tosca is a feminine empowerment and embodiment coach, as well as a 500-hour yoga alliance certified yoga teacher with years of teaching experience, who helped many women over the last years in gaining more self-love, joy, and pleasure in their lives.
Dear People-Pleasers, These Mantras Will Make You Happier
If you’re a people-pleaser, you know the drill: saying yes when you want to say no, bending over backward to keep everyone happy, and putting yourself last on the list. It feels noble, even rewarding at times. But let’s be honest—it can leave you drained, resentful, and questioning your worth.
Breaking free from the cycle of people-pleasing doesn’t mean becoming selfish; it means setting boundaries, prioritizing your mental health, and realizing that your happiness matters just as much as anyone else’s. To help you on this journey, here are some transformative mantras designed to empower you, boost your confidence, and bring a sense of peace to your life.
1. “My needs are valid, too.”
People-pleasers often dismiss their own needs in favor of others. We learn this from an early age on read more on the feminine wounds here. This mantra is a powerful reminder that your feelings, desires, and well-being are just as important as anyone else’s. When faced with a decision, ask yourself: What do I need in this situation? Start small—honor your need for rest, alone time, or simply saying no to plans that don’t excite you.
2. “No is a complete sentence.”
One of the hardest things for people-pleasers to do is say no. It feels harsh or confrontational, but it doesn’t have to be. “No” doesn’t require an explanation, excuse, or apology. Practice saying it with kindness but firmness: “No, I can’t help with that right now.” Repeating this mantra helps you see “no” not as a rejection, but as a way to honor your limits.
3. “I can’t pour from an empty cup.”
This classic wisdom is especially relevant for people-pleasers. When you overextend yourself, you run out of emotional and physical energy, leaving little for anyone—including yourself. Use this mantra to remind yourself to recharge. Whether that means taking a walk, reading a book, or simply sitting in silence, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
4. “I am not responsible for other people’s happiness.”
This one’s a game-changer. It’s easy to feel like it’s your job to fix everyone’s problems or make sure they’re happy. But the truth is, happiness is an inside job. You can offer support, but you are not the solution. Letting go of this weight frees you to focus on your own joy.
5. “Discomfort is a sign of growth.”
Setting boundaries can feel deeply uncomfortable, especially when you’re used to pleasing everyone. That discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re stepping into a healthier version of yourself. Lean into it. Growth is messy, but the reward is worth it.
6. “I choose authenticity over approval.”
People-pleasers often wear a mask to gain acceptance, but this comes at the cost of their true selves. By embracing this mantra, you can shift your focus from gaining approval to living authentically. When you’re true to yourself, the right people will appreciate you for who you are—not for what you do for them.
7. “Saying yes to myself is the best yes of all.”
Every time you say yes to something you don’t want to do, you’re saying no to yourself. Flip the script: prioritize your goals, passions, and joy. This mantra reminds you that your time and energy are precious, and you deserve to invest them in things that light you up.
How to Use These Mantras
Mantras are most effective when practiced regularly. Write them down, keep them on your phone, or post them on sticky notes where you’ll see them daily. When you feel the pull to people-please, pause, take a deep breath, and repeat a mantra that resonates. Over time, these affirmations will become second nature, rewiring your mindset for happiness and self-respect.
Healing the Mother Wound: Mantras for People-Pleasers
The “mother wound” refers to the emotional pain, unmet needs, or limiting beliefs that stem from a complicated relationship with your mother or maternal figure. For people-pleasers with a mother wound, the need to earn love, approval, or validation often feels deeply ingrained. You may feel that no matter how much you do, it’s never enough—or that prioritizing yourself somehow betrays the relationship.
Healing this wound isn’t about assigning blame; it’s about reclaiming your worth and breaking free from patterns that no longer serve you. These mantras are designed to support your healing journey and help you shift from seeking external approval to nurturing self-love and inner peace.
1. “I am enough just as I am.”
This mantra addresses the core wound of feeling unworthy unless you meet certain expectations. Repeat it to remind yourself that you don’t need to prove your value through actions or accomplishments—you are inherently deserving of love and respect.
2. “It is safe for me to set boundaries.”
For many people with a mother wound, setting boundaries feels like betrayal or rejection. This mantra reinforces that boundaries are not acts of rebellion—they are acts of self-respect. They help you preserve your emotional well-being without severing connections.
3. “Her story is not my story.”
Sometimes, the expectations or criticisms you face are reflections of your mother’s unhealed wounds, fears, or experiences. This mantra helps you detach from her narrative and see that you are not responsible for her emotions, choices, or past.
4. “I am allowed to outgrow old patterns.”
People-pleasers often feel guilty for changing, especially if they were conditioned to prioritize family harmony. This mantra affirms that growth and healing are not betrayals—they are necessary steps toward living authentically.
5. “I am not responsible for fixing her pain.”
You may feel compelled to heal your mother’s wounds, but her healing journey is her responsibility. This mantra frees you from the weight of trying to mend something that was never yours to fix.
6. “My needs matter, too.”
If you grew up learning that your needs were secondary to others’, this mantra reclaims your right to prioritize yourself. It’s not selfish—it’s essential. Use it as a reminder to honor your desires, feelings, and limits.
7. “I give myself the love I didn’t receive.”
The mother wound often leaves a gap where nurturing, support, or unconditional love should have been. While you can’t rewrite the past, this mantra empowers you to fill that gap with self-compassion and care.
8. “I can love her and still choose myself.”
Healing doesn’t mean cutting ties or harboring resentment. It’s possible to love your mother (or her memory) while prioritizing your own needs, values, and well-being. This mantra helps you navigate the balance.
9. “I release guilt for choosing my happiness.”
Guilt is a common companion for people-pleasers with a mother wound, especially when stepping away from old dynamics. Use this mantra to remind yourself that choosing your happiness is not an act of harm—it’s an act of healing.
10. “I am free to define what love means to me.”
If your early experiences of love were tied to conditions, this mantra helps you redefine love on your own terms—rooted in mutual respect, care, and authenticity rather than obligation or sacrifice.
How to Integrate These Mantras
Daily Practice: Start or end your day by repeating the mantras that resonate most with you.
Journaling: Reflect on how each mantra applies to your life and what emotions arise as you use them.
In the Moment: When old patterns resurface—like guilt, over-apologizing, or ignoring your needs—pause and repeat a mantra to ground yourself.
Go on a Women’s Retreat for Deep Healing
For a truly transformative experience, go on a women’s retreat. These retreats provide a nurturing space where you can practice emotional alchemy, learn self-love, and immerse yourself in nature’s healing embrace. Guided by the wisdom of the divine feminine, you’ll connect with practices like tantra for women and engage in deep, soulful work that helps you release old patterns, honor your authenticity, and reclaim your power.
A women’s retreat isn’t just an escape—it’s a sacred journey back to yourself. Read about my deep retreat imersions here.
Healing The Mother Wound For People-Pleasers
Healing the mother wound is a courageous act of self-love. These mantras are not about rejecting or resenting your mother—they are about reclaiming your power, rewriting the narrative, and creating a life where you can thrive. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and every step you take toward healing is a step toward freedom and inner peace.
You are worthy. You are enough. And you are capable of creating the love and joy you deserve.
Final Thoughts
Dear people-pleasers, breaking free from this cycle won’t happen overnight. It’s a journey that requires patience, courage, and self-compassion. But as you embrace these mantras, you’ll discover that happiness doesn’t come from pleasing others—it comes from living a life that honors your needs and values.
Start small, stay consistent, and watch as these mantras transform not just your outlook, but your entire life. Remember: you are worthy of the love and care you so freely give to others. Now it’s time to give some of it to yourself.
Do you want to address your mother wound, transform your pain into empowerment, and step into your most authentic self? Join my course or sign up for Goddess Medicine today and start your journey toward healing and freedom. Your future self is waiting.
Keep reading about the Mother Wound:
Read more about the Mother Wound in my Series:
How The Mother Wounds Affect Us
Finding Forgiveness for the Mother Wound
Power Dynamics of the Mother Wound
Breaking Free From Generational Traumas
The Taboo of Questioning Motherhood and the Idealization of Mothers in a Patriarchal Society
Love, Tosca
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