I am Tosca
Hi there
Tosca is a feminine empowerment and embodiment coach, as well as a 500-hour yoga alliance certified yoga teacher with years of teaching experience, who helped many women over the last years in gaining more self-love, joy, and pleasure in their lives.
De-armouring is the process of releasing emotional, physical, and psychological defenses that have built up over time to protect us from pain, trauma, and unresolved emotions. These “armors” manifest as muscular tension, emotional blockages, and mental patterns that prevent us from fully experiencing life, love, and connection. De-armouring is about gently breaking down these walls to access a deeper, more authentic version of ourselves
De-armouring is not just about “letting go” of emotional pain; it is a process of reclaiming our energy, reconnecting with our bodies, and releasing stored emotions. It requires a deep sense of awareness and self-compassion, as we navigate the layers of defense we’ve built over time. The body holds memories of every experience we’ve lived, and when we soften the armor, we allow these emotions and memories to rise to the surface for healing.
The process of de-armouring can be physical, emotional, and energetic. Through practices such as breathwork, massage, movement, meditation, and Tantric rituals, we can begin to release the tension that holds us back. Areas like the pelvis, heart, jaw, and shoulders often carry the heaviest armor, and working with these regions allows for profound healing and emotional release.
When we let go of the armor, we create space for a more fluid and vibrant life. We can experience a deeper connection with ourselves, our emotions, and others. We become more vulnerable, present, and open to the beauty of life as it unfolds. This process allows us to move through the world with greater authenticity, freedom, and joy, no longer weighed down by past wounds or fears.
De-armouring is a journey of profound liberation. It is an act of returning to our truest self, shedding the layers that no longer serve us, and embracing the fullness of who we are. It’s not always easy, but it is deeply rewarding. As we heal, we find ourselves living more fully in the present moment, more connected to our bodies, and more open to the infinite possibilities that life has to offer.
What is an Armour?
Inner armor is not something we consciously decide to build. It forms automatically as a response to life’s challenges, particularly during times of emotional pain or trauma. Whether it’s the pain of loss, rejection, betrayal, or unresolved childhood wounds, these emotional experiences can overwhelm us, leaving us with feelings of powerlessness or fear. To cope with this overwhelming pain, our body and mind instinctively create defenses to protect us from further hurt.
Why Do We Build Emotional Armor?
As human beings, we are naturally wired to protect ourselves. As children, we often encounter experiences of emotional pain, rejection, or confusion that we don’t know how to process. In response, we unconsciously begin to build armor around our hearts and bodies in order to protect ourselves emotionally and stop feeling the emotional pain. This armor manifests in many forms: fear, shame, anger, disbelief, or even numbness. We protect ourselves by pushing away or numbing out what feels too painful, too vulnerable, or too overwhelming.
Even experiences that seem to exist only on a psychological level can have a profound impact on the body. Our thoughts, emotions, and mental states are deeply interconnected with our physical well-being. Stress, trauma, and unresolved emotions can manifest as tension, pain, disconnect, numbness or illness in the body. The mind and body are not separate; they communicate through energy, and unprocessed psychological experiences often get stored as muscular tension, restricted movement, or physical discomfort. This mind-body connection shows that emotional and mental healing is not just a cognitive process but one that deeply affects our physical health as well.
Unfortunately, while this defense mechanism may have been essential for survival in the past, it keeps us stuck in the present. Our emotional armor prevents us from experiencing true intimacy, joy, and spiritual growth. It holds us back from truly connecting with our own bodies, our true selves, and with others in a profound and authentic way.
Some of the key reasons inner armor forms include:
- Emotional Pain and Trauma: When we experience emotional wounds—whether from childhood neglect, bullying, relationship trauma, or loss—we often don’t have the tools to process and release those emotions at the time. As a result, the pain remains unprocessed and stored in the body and mind. The armor forms as a way to suppress or avoid the hurt, creating a barrier to prevent further emotional exposure.
- Fear of Vulnerability: Vulnerability is often perceived as dangerous, as it exposes us to the possibility of rejection, judgment, or disappointment. This fear can stem from past experiences where we felt vulnerable and were hurt or rejected. In response, we create armor around our hearts and emotions to prevent future exposure, avoiding the pain that vulnerability might bring.
- Cultural Conditioning and Social Expectations: Society often teaches us to be “strong,” to suppress emotions, and to present a facade of perfection or control. This cultural conditioning can lead to the creation of inner armor, especially in areas like gender expectations or professional roles, where showing weakness or raw emotion is considered inappropriate. Over time, these societal pressures can build up, leading to a false sense of strength that is actually a form of emotional protection.
- Survival Mechanism: Inner armor often arises as a survival mechanism in response to stressful or unsafe environments, particularly in childhood. For example, a child who grows up in an unpredictable or abusive environment may develop armor around their emotions as a way of protecting themselves from emotional harm. This armor becomes a learned response, carried into adulthood, even when the original circumstances have changed.
- Shame and Self-Judgment: Feelings of shame, guilt, or unworthiness can also contribute to the creation of emotional armor. When we judge ourselves harshly or internalize negative messages about our value, we might close ourselves off from others in order to avoid feeling exposed or unlovable. This armor becomes a shield against the vulnerability of being seen for who we truly are.
Read more about the disconnection from your body here.
How Does Inner Armor Affect Us?
While inner armor serves as a protective response to emotional pain, it comes at a cost. It limits our growth, closes us off from others, and distorts our ability to fully feel and experience life.
- Emotional Numbness: Over time, the armor prevents us from experiencing a full range of emotions, making us feel numb or disconnected from our own inner world. We may struggle to access joy, sadness, or even love, because we have become so accustomed to blocking or controlling our emotions.
- Physical Tension: Inner armor often manifests in the body as chronic tension, stiffness, or pain. Areas of the body such as the shoulders, chest, or jaw may carry the weight of unprocessed emotions. This physical armor restricts the flow of energy, making us feel stiff, rigid, and disconnected from our bodies.
- Difficulty with Intimacy: Emotional armor creates walls between us and others. It makes it difficult to form authentic, intimate connections because we are not fully open or available to ourselves or to those around us. We may find it hard to trust, to be seen, or to show our true selves in relationships.
- Stagnation: Armor prevents the free flow of energy through the body. This stagnation can block our creativity, intuition, and vitality, leaving us feeling stuck or uninspired. When we build walls around our hearts and emotions, we also block our life force, leading to discontentment and a sense of limitation.
- How Does Inner Armor Affect Us? – Disconnect from Our Feminine Energy
- Inner armor, while designed to protect us from emotional pain, can profoundly affect our connection to our feminine energy. The feminine energy within us represents qualities such as intuition, creativity, nurturing, vulnerability, and emotional depth. When we build emotional armor to shield ourselves from past hurts or fear, we unconsciously block the flow of this powerful energy. The result is a disconnection from the essence of who we truly are—our ability to feel, to express, and to embrace the fullness of our emotional and creative selves.
Disconnection from our feminine energy:
- Suppression of Emotions: The feminine energy thrives in the realm of emotion and intuition. When we create armor around our hearts to avoid painful feelings, we essentially shut down the very channels that allow us to access our deepest emotional truths. This suppression of emotions results in emotional numbness, which stifles our ability to connect to our intuition, empathy, and the raw beauty of our emotional landscape.
- Stifling Creativity: Feminine energy is inherently creative—it is the source of our artistic expression, problem-solving abilities, and the drive to manifest our inner visions. When emotional armor restricts our emotional flow, it also blocks creative energy. We might feel uninspired, disconnected from our passions, or unable to express ourselves freely. Our creativity becomes stagnant, and we lose touch with the very force that fuels our ability to create and innovate.
- Fear of Vulnerability: Vulnerability is a core aspect of the feminine energy. It allows us to open ourselves up to love, intimacy, and authentic connection with others. When we armor ourselves to avoid getting hurt, we simultaneously shut ourselves off from the possibility of deep emotional bonds. We may begin to fear being seen as we truly are, leading us to hide parts of ourselves that are essential to our feminine nature—our softness, our openness, and our capacity to love unconditionally.
- Disconnection from Intuition: Feminine energy is deeply connected to intuition—that quiet, inner knowing that guides us in our decision-making and life choices. Emotional armor, however, often stems from fear or past trauma, and fear distorts the clarity of our inner wisdom. When we are caught in protective mechanisms, we lose touch with our intuitive voice, relying more on logic or external validation rather than trusting our inner guidance.
- Physical and Emotional Stiffness: Inner armor often manifests as physical tension and tightness in the body. When we hold onto past hurts, we carry the weight of that pain in areas like the chest, jaw, shoulders, and hips. This physical armor constricts the natural flow of energy throughout the body, particularly in the sacral chakra, which is the seat of feminine energy. As a result, we may feel disconnected from our body, our sensuality, and our natural rhythms.
- Fear of Rejection: Feminine energy is receptive and open, always inviting connection and flow. However, when we armor ourselves due to past rejection or fear of not being enough, we close off from others. This creates a barrier to intimacy, both with ourselves and those around us. The fear of rejection keeps us from embracing the full expression of our feminine nature, leaving us stuck in patterns of self-doubt and insecurity.
What is Emotional De-Armouring?
Releasing emotional trauma from the body brings liberation like none other, as it frees us from the heavy grip of past pain that has been stored in our muscles, tissues, and energy systems.
When emotional wounds are allowed to surface and be processed, the body can finally let go of the tension and constriction that have held us back. This release creates a profound sense of lightness, emotional freedom, and vitality. It allows us to reconnect with our true selves, unburdened by the past, and experience life with a renewed sense of ease, joy, and authentic presence.
At its core, emotional de-armouring is the process of releasing the emotional blockages and defenses that we’ve accumulated over the years. These defenses can show up as physical tightness, mental barriers, or emotional numbness, often as a result of past traumas, hurts, or experiences that we have not fully processed. This process can happen, even if we have not experienced severe trauma, but just experiences that we as children did not fully understand or found “fair” (like bullying, emotionally distant or neglected parents, being ignored, being raised by emotionally immature parents, etc) Over time, we form armor—both physically and emotionally—around the parts of us that feel vulnerable, scared, or wounded. This armor prevents us from fully living and loving in the present moment, from accessing our authentic emotional selves, and from experiencing true connection with others.
Living free from the weight of the past in our bodies is to experience joy, bliss, peace, and freedom.
When the weight of unresolved emotions is released, we reconnect with the natural flow of energy, experiencing life with ease and vitality. Unburdened by blockages, we can embrace each moment with clarity, openness, and a profound sense of inner harmony. This freedom allows us to embody our true essence, living in alignment with our most authentic selves.
Through Tantra, we learn that energy is constantly moving through our bodies, and when we suppress emotions or create resistance to difficult feelings, energy becomes stagnant. This stagnation leads to dis-ease, both mentally and physically. Emotional de-armouring is about softening, opening, and releasing the trapped energy so that life can flow freely again. It is the art of allowing ourselves to feel fully—to experience both the ecstasy and the pain without judgment, without shame.
The Process of Emotional De-Armouring
Emotional de-armouring is an act of deep self-compassion and awareness. It requires the willingness to let go of old patterns, beliefs, and defenses, and to trust the process of vulnerability. This practice takes patience, courage, and a commitment to returning to the present moment with full presence.
The process of emotional de-armouring can unfold in various ways, and it can be different for each person. However, there are some common elements that guide this transformative journey:
- Awareness: The first step in emotional de-armouring is becoming aware of where we are holding tension or resistance in our bodies and minds. Often, we have become so accustomed to our armor that we don’t even realize it’s there. Meditation, bodywork, and mindful breathing are powerful tools to begin the process of self-awareness and to identify where these blockages exist.
- Breathing Into the Body: Once we become aware of the emotional armor, we must breathe deeply into those areas. This allows us to soften the tension and create space for the emotions that are waiting to be released. The breath is a bridge between the body and mind, and when we use the breath consciously, we can unlock stored emotions and release them with grace.
- Feeling Without Judgment: The goal of emotional de-armouring is not to change or repress the emotions, but to feel them fully without judgment. This might include sadness, grief, anger, fear, or joy. In Tantra, we teach that all emotions, whether “positive” or “negative,” are sacred and have a place in the tapestry of life. The key is to embrace them without resistance or the need to control them.
- Releasing Old Patterns: As we feel the emotions, we may uncover old patterns, beliefs, or traumas that have been lodged in our bodies for years. These patterns no longer serve us, and part of de-armouring is releasing them. This can be done through practices like sound (chanting, crying, screaming), movement (shaking, dancing), or even gentle touch (self-massage, bodywork, or partner support).
- Muscular tension release: acts like an energetic lock on our bodies, preventing the free flow of energy through the channels that connect us to our emotions, creativity, and sensuality.
- Yoni Massage: Yoni massage is a sacred practice that involves the gentle, mindful touch of the yoni (vulva and vagina) to release tension and trauma stored in the pelvic area. It is not simply a physical massage but a holistic experience that incorporates deep emotional healing. By using specific techniques such as gentle pressure, circulation, and rhythmic movement, the massage can help unlock deep-seated emotions and stored energy. As these blockages are released, the recipient often experiences a sense of emotional freedom, increased vitality, and an expanded sense of sexual empowerment. The act of engaging with the yoni in this mindful way invites the person to connect with their feminine energy in a deep and intimate way, allowing them to feel more at home in their body. Emotional release often occurs during or after a yoni massage, such as crying, laughter, or sudden insights about past experiences. The tension in the muscles around the pelvic area melts away, allowing the person to reclaim their sexual and emotional power.
- Tantra Massage: Tantra massage is a holistic approach to bodywork that integrates the principles of Tantra—energy, consciousness, and connection—into the practice of touch. It combines various techniques like breathwork, movement, and awareness to stimulate the flow of energy throughout the body. One of the goals of Tantra massage is to help the individual experience a deep sense of connection with their body and emotions, creating space for the release of tension and blockages. Muscular tension, especially in the shoulders, jaw, and hips, often holds emotional pain associated with past traumas. Tantra massage helps release that tension, allowing for a deeper experience of relaxation and emotional healing. By combining touch with conscious breathing and awareness, Tantra massage can help to unlock energy that has been blocked for years, leading to a greater sense of freedom, peace, and vitality.
- Bodywork for Releasing Tension: Beyond yoni and Tantra massage, bodywork in general—such as deep tissue massage, Swedish massage, or Shiatsu—is another way to release stored emotional tension. When working with these practices, it’s essential to approach the body with a sense of awareness and respect, recognizing that any area of muscular tension may be linked to a deeper emotional issue. Techniques such as gentle pressure, slow movement, and conscious breathwork are often used to help the body process and release the emotions held within the muscles.
- Integration: After the release, it is essential to integrate the experience into our being. This can be done through grounding exercises, meditation, or simple self-care. Integration helps us understand the wisdom within the emotions and allows us to carry the lessons forward in our lives.
The Benefits of Emotional De-Armouring
The practice of emotional de-armouring is not an overnight process, but the rewards are profound and long-lasting. By removing the armor we’ve built around our hearts, we make space for greater vulnerability, joy, and connection. Some of the most powerful benefits include:
- Authentic Self-Expression: When we release emotional blockages, we are able to speak, act, and love from a place of truth and openness. We are no longer bound by the limitations of our past experiences.
- Deeper Intimacy: As we allow ourselves to be fully seen and felt, we invite others to do the same. This creates deeper, more authentic relationships based on love, respect, and mutual vulnerability.
- Increased Life Force Energy: Emotional armor, when left unchecked, stifles the flow of energy in the body. As we release the armor, we awaken dormant energy, allowing us to feel more alive, creative, and connected to the divine.
- Healing from Past Traumas: Emotional de-armouring gives us the space to heal past wounds. Whether they stem from childhood experiences, relationships, or even past lives, releasing stored emotions can bring profound healing and peace.
- The process of clearing muscular tension in de-armouring can have profound effects on both the body and mind. By releasing the blocks stored in the muscles, we not only free the flow of energy but also facilitate a deeper emotional and spiritual healing. Here are some of the key benefits:
- Emotional Release: As muscular tension melts away, emotional blockages are released as well. This can result in crying, laughter, or an intense sense of relief, as the body and mind process the suppressed emotions. In some cases, repressed memories or trauma may surface, giving the person the opportunity to heal and integrate those experiences.
- Increased Sensuality and Sexual Empowerment: The release of tension in the pelvic and sacral regions, in particular, can open the flow of sexual energy. This can lead to an increased sense of sensuality, pleasure, and sexual vitality. When emotional armor in the yoni and pelvic area is released, a person may feel more comfortable and alive in their body, experiencing more ease and freedom in their sexuality.
- Physical Relaxation and Improved Circulation: Bodywork that targets muscular tension helps to improve blood flow, enhance circulation, and reduce physical discomfort. This increased circulation allows energy to flow more freely throughout the body, leading to a heightened sense of well-being and relaxation.
- Reconnection to the Body: Often, when emotional armor is present, we lose touch with the sensations of our own body. Practices like yoni massage or Tantra bodywork help us reconnect to the sensual and energetic aspects of our bodies, allowing us to feel more grounded, present, and empowered.
- Emotional Release and Healing Free yourself from stored trauma, negative experiences, and conditioning, creating emotional balance and relief from depression, frustration, and insomnia.
- Increased Sensitivity, Pleasure, and Sexual Liberation Improve your receptivity to pleasure, become more orgasmic, and resolve dysfunctional sexuality patterns, clearing guilt and shame around receiving pleasure.
- Clear Chronic Pains and Tension Release muscular tension, clear aches, pains, and numbness, making relaxation easier and restoring vitality.
- Freedom from Past Trauma and Negative Conditioning Remove the effects of past trauma and conditioning, clearing emotional blockages and creating space for healing.
- Improved Physical Health and Vitality Relieve chronic pain, tension, and stress, allowing for better circulation, improved physical health, and a more vibrant, energized body.
- Reclaim Boundaries, Confidence, and Power Take ownership of your boundaries, confidence, and personal power, restoring a deep sense of self-assurance.
- Enhanced Emotional and Sexual Resilience Cultivate emotional resilience and a deeper connection to your sexuality, restoring balance between mind, heart, sex, and soul.
- Improved Relationships and Connection Enhance your relationships with lovers, family, and friends by fostering deeper emotional and physical connections and better communication.
- Healing from Guilt, Shame, and Addiction Clear guilt, shame, and addiction issues, promoting self-acceptance, freedom, and a sense of empowerment.
- Arrive at Self-Love and Inner Peace Cultivate a deep sense of self-love, acceptance, and inner peace, enabling you to live authentically, joyfully, and freely.
- Spiritual Awakening: As we shed the armor, we come closer to our true nature. We awaken to the divine presence within and around us, experiencing a deeper sense of oneness with all that is.
Emotional De-Armouring in Practice
In my Tantra for Women Retreats and online courses, I guide my students through emotional de-armouring techniques that open the heart and release the emotional blockages preventing them from living fully. We work with embodiment practices such as breathwork, movement, sound, and deep meditation to access the body’s wisdom and heal emotional wounds. Whether through group exercises or one-on-one sessions, I create a safe, sacred space where participants can surrender and release their armor, step into vulnerability, and embrace their true selves.
If you’re ready to experience the liberation that comes with shedding emotional armor, I invite you to join us. Together, we will walk the path of self-discovery, healing, and transformation. You deserve to live a life free from fear, and full of love, vitality, and joy.
In the process of de-armouring, we find that the more we soften, the more we become who we are meant to be. This is the true path of Tantra: the path of integration, wholeness, and divine expression.
KKeep reading the Tantra For Women Series:
Goddess Rituals & Feminine Energy Affirmations
How Tantra Helps Women Overcome Shame and Embrace Their True Selves
Self-Love Through Movement: Feminine Practices to Unlock Your Body’s Wisdom
Awakening the Divine Feminine Through Tantra
The Art Of De-Armouring: The Path to True Freedom
Why this blocks around your feminine / mother wound are holding you back – The Courage Threshold
Going deeper
In my women’s retreats and online courses, you will have the opportunity to explore and awaken the powerful energies of Shakti and Shiva within yourself. Through guided practices that honor both the feminine and masculine aspects of your being, you will learn how to harmonize these energies, unlocking a deeper sense of inner peace, creativity, and spiritual awakening. Whether you are looking to reconnect with your authentic self, discover your true power, or experience transformative healing, these sacred spaces provide the tools, support, and community to help you embody the balance and unity of these divine forces. Join us on this journey of self-discovery and transformation, and step into a life of greater empowerment, clarity, and spiritual fulfillment.
Join Goddess Medicine here
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